BOOK: FIFTY SHADES OF THE MIND BOGGLES

I usually go out of my way to avoid 'buzz' books. I refuse categorically to read The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown) or The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Stieg Larsson) as they have been so raved about and reviewed so often that I feel I already know the books without having ever picked them up. Books such as The Help (Kathryn Stockett) and One Day (David Nichols) were books that I read before the films and celebrities became involved, before they hit number one on the bestseller lists.

So why, when a customer at the pub offered me the opportunity to borrow Fifty Shades of Grey (E.L. James) from her, did I accept?

Curiosity. That is the only reason I have for it in complete honesty.

I have read clit-lit before. All that genre tends to read as is thinly veiled fantasies of men writing under female pseudonyms - the plumber need to unblock a pipe wink wink? YAWN. In case you were interested the books that I read were from a series called Black Lace that I 'borrowed' from a friend and subsequently returned as quickly as I took them. I was 17.


So what do I think of this new front-of-the-book-store erotica? Possibly most talked about piece of publishing of 2012?


Firstly I didn't enjoy reading it at all. It felt uncomfortable because I couldn't actually relate to any of the characters in the book. Can I relate to Jane Austen's Emma? Yes. Even though she was conjured into existence nearly 200 years ago the way she meddles in her friend's love lives and the way she acts is believable and fitting with the themes of that age. Can I relate to Anastasia Steele? No.


I've been 21 and I can assure you that almost every girl I know is not virginal by that age (although there will be some exceptions obviously). I can't bring myself to sit there and believe that a Caucasian American female, with friends a vivacious as Kate and an education that seems to be a very well read and vast one, would a) never have heard of any form of BDSM before, b) have never had a boyfriend if she looks as beautiful as Christian Grey continually reaffirms that she is or c) just be that naive.


That being said there are parts of Christian's character that I do see as realistic: the need for control, the wealth at his age (if Mark Zuckerberg can do it...) and those expressions that look like he's having a private joke (Dave looks like that on a regular basis although in a less sinister way).


As for the writing itself: it's incredibly repetitive. If Ana 'flushed' that often she would walk around with a face as red as a raspberry. It was irritating if I'm going to be completely honest and I simply couldn't get to grips with the sentence structures or the descriptive imagery. There were chapters written in the style of a B-grade GCSE student where the vocabulary read simply as grouped together synonyms and a few sex scenes thrown in but there were also chapters where I felt that I could read and read and read because the eloquence of the writing flowed beautifully.


And the sex?


I clinched my own thighs together in mock-pain sometimes but over all I think those scenes were better written than anything I have read like this before. It was good to see emotion added to the situation, a woman's touch from a female author - something male authors find incredibly difficult to articulate into words (and therefore the giveaway as to men writing for Black Lace in my opinion). Some of it was a little unnecessary but I suppose if the book is about Dominant and Submissive relationships there obviously has to be a certain amount of spanking alluded to - even if not a lot of it was actually carried out (vanilla? anyone?).


Over all I am on the fence about this book: I didn't enjoy reading it but the concept was a great idea. It was good to see a female author choosing to ignore the usual male fantasy guidelines for how erotica should be written and has set a bench mark for future publishings of this nature.


Do I think that this will empower women into asking for what they want/openly admitting these are the relationships they secretly want? I'm not getting into the whole feminist debate over this - too many opinions and ideas have already been shouted out. For now all I shall say is that this is one woman's fantasy that has turned into million of women's fantasies through publishing and PR. Just because other's like it doesn't mean I want my boyfriend to control me or whip me.


Would I recommend it to someone who hasn't read it? Um, well yes and no. It would depend on the person - how open minded they can be and what their usual tendencies towards literature are. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone that likes their books to be well written though.


I doubt I will be reading the other two in this trilogy but at least I can now say that I have the read the first and it was 'an experience'. Now please excuse me whilst I indulge myself in a spot of Oscar Wilde...


These are all of my own views and opinions, which may differ greatly from others. I am not a scholarly expert in English or Creative Writing.  Please take that into consideration if you comment below as I know that my view is not the popular view of this book. Thank you.